Yesterday

When I am broke, I get frustrated easily! So when I come home to see WB hadn't pulled the trashcan to the back, had his shoes on in the house, had the blinds open (still daylight)...the lamp...the tv AND the radio on @ the SAME TIME, and brought a new deck of cards, let's just say I wasn't the happiest camper. In random atttempts to find gas money, no one seemed to have the money I lent (surprize surprize). So I called LAL last and we go back and forth trying to think of ways to find me some money to get gas to last me till Friday. LAL comes up with feasible idea which involves WB and when I follow the plan I just get more irritated and leave. I roll up to LAL's, I do more of my homework and in between problems he's asking me questions which lead to "How do you feel about me?" That in itself is a hard question because as easy as the question is, it's a *itch to answer.

I like spending time w/him. But there's a problem. When I first met him I had some options in whom I spent my time. Due to various reason, my options dwindled down. This allowed more time for LAL. In the beginning I could care less about what happened outside of time spent with me. But the more time I spend with him, the more that's changing. My thoughts CAN'T change, that's when things get complicated. Then I can't help but to think that maybe my thoughts and feelings are changing because he is convenient. That would be very unfair and mean.

It a pet peeve when people in general come to hang out with me or vice versa and their cell is sounding off every other minute. But it really racks my nerve that every time I go over there some chick is fussing him out about this that and the other. Whatever....

His "roomate" brought a new ride...her "boyfriend" does not drive it. LAL does, even though he has a car.

There a lot of things that don't sound or look quite right or looks like the same crap I have seen time and time before. But I am still supposed to think "I am not like them" or "I am not him".

Blah....long story short....I think I need to (a) start finding more people to date, so it's not just LAL and T-Lo or (b) leave them alone and stick to certain purchases to assist in my time of womanly need.

I don't want to have to deal with getting my feelings hurt. The more feelings that are invested, the more it hurts when you get dissappointed.

The more trust you give someone the more it stings when they betray it....

I'd rather walk away....

Where is my therapist to make sense of all this scattered nonsense? I think I need a mental cleansing....just go to the beach, pray, dump all my thoughts, stare into the endless water and start all over!

Oh....I totally forgot that I have a credit card so the gas issue was solved and all that back and forth and financial frustration was in vain! LOL