I know that you are never supposed to compare yourself to the next person. But sometimes you just can help it. Me continually trying to figure out myspace I came across one of my best friends photo albums. She is a model now living in South America. She has always been a beautiful person both inside and out, even before the braces came off and the contacts went in. It just amazes me that we pretty much had the same beginnings in life and have so different lives now. We have always looked opposite....her the wafer thin, long hair, light skinned, color changing green/hazel eyes (yeah she is black...part italian part black), long limbs, etc.... me the chubby, shoulder length hair, dark skinned, basic brown eyes, stocky limbs tho' we are the same height.
She is single, no kids, travels the world, lived on at least 3 continents....not visit, but actually LIVED, speaks different tongues, got her degree, hangs with the "beautiful people" and the famous. Not that I regret or will EVER regret having my child, but I have yet to leave the US, I don't have my degree and I hang with average people in person and associate with other people via internet. I know I shouldn't compare because I know her life is not perfect, I would hate to have a job where my weight and appearance must be top notch and after a certain age you can have to give it up. But then, she has a degree and brains to back herself when the modeling phase passes.
After viewing her photos, I did the dumbest thing ever. I looked in the mirror. All I could see was lard a tall lump of brown lard. I am slowly but surely getting myself right but I still fell victim to societies version of beautiful and I just don't match up.
This morning,when I was brushing Pooka's hair...all I could think was "*insert best friends name* is prolly recovering from a shig dig that she spent the whole night partying and living it up. Like most people my age are doing right now. But here I am....a statistic" I tried not to get me down and once again I will never regret having my child, nor taking time off school to take care of her. But sometimes when you look at what other people are doing you can't help but for one moment say "I wish that was me".
She is my girl....has been since 3rd grade....I love her to death......I'll only envy her for a moment....I promise....then the moment will pass.....hopefully never to resurface again.....
5 comments:
I feel ya! Its human nature and I don’t think that we can help it. I find myself doing the same thing quite often.
Like I have 5 younger sisters. They are all pretty girls and they are either within their normal weight range dead on, or they may have a few extra pounds but they would not be what I consider chubby, so why do I have to be?
All of my girlfriends are married and some of them have children to. Me, not even close. I find myself comparing myself to others all the time even though I know I shouldn’t.
We always think that there is someone that is better off or happier than we are even though this is not always the case. Just like one of my friends I felt had it sooooo good. She had a good job, nice house, and a handsome husband. Come to find out her husband is cheating on her and that she is miserable. Is this what I was envious of??? If I had only known.
i know how you feel, too. it's all good, though. everyone goes through it, even the 'perfect' folk!
i'm the only one in my family with a weight issue, and the thing is, it's not even an issue! i'm thick, which in my mind is good cuz thick is curvy and sexy as hell. meanwhile, my female relatives are always like 'you look big'...
yeah, while their men are looking at me like 'i would phuck you right here, right now if you'd let me.'
don't let the messages from other people affect how you see yourself. ultimately the only person who gotta be happy with you is you. i ain't gonna sit here and tell you i've reached that point yet, but i'm working on it.
stay strong, sista.
Girl you know exactly how I feel about all of this. You know you are a beautiful woman. Everyone make their own choices....... that does not make them happy. Alot of people are happy out in public but sad behind closed doors. Keep it real! Besides........ if that one does not like it.......FUK EM another one will! LOL
Okay yall must have commented while I was posting last night! LOL
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