Today's events/pity party/LeRon - Long post

I have to get some things off my mind. There is no one really around physically to talk to. So here it goes....

Today while walking to Dr. Vodka's class from Ms. Diva's class (she is not a doctor)I saw a motorbike get pulled at a stop light with 2 young brotha's on it. I make my observance and keep about my business. As I turn the corner to go down the street I needed, one of the young men ran passed me going full speed with a cop not to far behind. I stopped along with some others around me and we watched the chase. Stupid boy literally ran out his shoes. We just left them there. Was I really watching a police pursuit? Did he think he was gonna out run the cops. This wasn't campus police, this was Durham Co. police (whichIpersonallyCANTstand)after they ran out of sight I went about my business of getting to my destination. Right before I crossed my last street to get to my building and I stopped for a cop car that had Stupid boy in the back. I laughed out loud! I know people dodge the police and get away, but if I done something illegal and the police get hold of me. That's it. I am not running! Even if I was fit enough to do so, I wouldn't run. That just makes things worse!

So last semester I saw my classmate get hit by a car and this semester a police chase on foot. I guess I have just been very sheltered cuz I am not used to seeing stuff like this live. GO NCCU!

I get to class and Dr. Vodka gives us the option to leave after we sign roll because the weather turned back to crap about 7:20ish. So I signed the roll and left. I don't do bad weather. I wanted to go home!

I get off campus get on one hwy and as soon as I get to the hwy that takes me home there is mad traffic at a darn near creeping stand still. I took a deep sigh and came to the conclusion either the heavy wind blew something big in the road or there was a bad accident cuz all lanes were barely moving if that. After a several emergency vehicles slid on by I knew it had to be the second. So I am stop and go stop and go till I get to the point I can see what happened. A few cars were involved along with a commercial truck. I wasn't an 18 wheeler but it wasn't no SUV. I don't know what type of truck you call it but it had a big retangular back. I was just doing my regular creep along the accident till I saw someone laying face up on the ground covered with a white sheet......I cried. I don't know what came over me but I couldn't stop crying. I got myself composed enough to concentrate on driving cuz the traffic speed picked up. As soon as I got myself together, that song Yesterday by Mary Mary came on the radio and there I go again in tears!

My only thought was that I wanted to go home and talk to Pooka. I needed to hear her voice and to ask me silly questions. I really needed a hug from her but I knew I would have to settle for a phone call. I get home, use the rest room and call babydaddies. I speak with Pooka and I hear Babydaddys ladyfriend and her daughter in the background laughing and carrying on. I ask Pooka some questions and she doesn't respond. I tell her I love her and she did at least say it back...before she hung up. I call back and babydaddy gives her back the phone. I ask her if she is okay. She hangs up again. I call back a third time crying once again because all I wanted was to talk to my daughter but she was too caught up in the game they were playing. My feelings are still kinda hurt, but she was having a good time playing a game with babydaddy's lady friends daughter so I won't take it personally. I will try not to anyways.....

Which brings me to my pity party. Maybe it's the newness of spring in the air or maybe it's just me, but everyone has someone. At least in my personal surroundings. My grandparents are married, mom has her little friend, aunt Diva has her man, babydaddy has his friends, T-lo has his friends, the L-unit has their friends, everyone else is married, and even LAL was telling me about his friend today. It was funny cuz he was telling me how he took her to Pullen Park...he never took me to Pullen Park! He chillen up at a local club...he never took me to the club! I mean what's really good? LOL But nah, after he was telling me about his new stuff he asked me about my new stuff. All I have is school, and that's sad. After I basically told him that my school is my lil friend I felt like crap cuz it's the truth. Then my boy Dre was telling me about all the quality nani he's been getting lately and I just felt worse. I mean, I am glad for my boy cuz he is well overdue for some good loving, and I am happy for him and everyone else for that matter.....but where's mine? Where is my date?

Truth be told. I could have someone if I really wanted to, but do I want to have someone just because everyone else does right now? As of this moment I can't honestly say yes or no even thought the right answer is that it absurd to want something cuz everyone in your surrounding seems to have it. I mean how fair would it be for the guy to be used like that?

I am kinda smart and kinda pretty depending on whom you ask, so when my turn comes to have someone to chill out with, he'll be around.

It's just the waiting is harder when everyone you personally talk to isn't waiting like you are.

I didn't really feel the urge to really look for anyone until I felt left out. But I don't wanna look cuz he is not going to come to me when I am looking for him *sigh* whatever, enough pity party!

My girl Nikki posted a sexually related blog and she used the name of someone who brought back memories for me.....LeRon. I was asked to share my story so here it be! LOL His name has not been protected on this blog. I seriously doubt he'd ever find my blog and if my some chance he does, what I am gonna share is the truth THROUGH THESE BROWN EYES so he can't say nothing, period dot! Just keep in mind I don't tell stories quite like Nikki can, so bare with me.

Saturday May 7th 2005

*there is stuff before this but this is the LeRon part*

Then there is LeRon. Upon first looks he does not seem like the type of person I would talk to. He is 22, I can't believe I am going YOUNGER, drinks everyday, smokes weed everyday, NY cat with his pants on his knees and 4 pair of shorts and boxers fixed so you can see the layers, lives with his mom, and dreads, go figure! All I can say for him is he was at the right place at the right time. *I write on how we met, basically he worked at a local grocery store, he gave me a compliment and asked for my # and started his pursuit* We hung out and the first red flag should have been here:

"So how are you acclimating to your move to NC?

"You don't have to be using those college words, keep it simple yo"

College words? Acclimated? D'oh! I don't have the most extensive vocab but acclimated? Even if he didn't know what the word meant he should have got the jist of what I was asking given the context of the conversation. I wasn't trying to sound over him of nothing! It's just how the question came out my mouth.

He had a nice little pursuit going for me which made him still appealing. So I decided to let him sex me. I was expecting soo much because he spoke on how well he performed *bragging should have been another flag* and his skills at the y.

So he comes to the house and I am expecting this NY thug loving and was so *O's are across 2 lines* disappointed. Four play was rubbing my area (not the clit, just the area, no spreading of the lips or NOTHING) for about 5 literal seconds, now he is ready to stroke, he better be lucky I was already wet with the thought of what I thought I was getting into. He instructs me to get on hands and knees and proceeds to pump me like the energizer bunny on crack! I have never been pumped so fast in my life! At first it was cool, but I had to tell him that the nani wasn't going anywhere....it was his for the night! You gotta take care of the kitty if you want her to purr. After his jackhammering he asked for me to perform. I pull out my stunts for some strange reason and between me and you *I write in my journal like I am writing a letter, so now between my journal, me and the blogworld* I don't think he got his dick sucked before. As he layed on the bed he kept sitting up looking at me with his mouth wide open and an expression like "how you do that?". So he got his and I did him a favor and swallowed. While performing I had came to the conclusion that he really hadn't had a good blow, so I might as well have him experience what it's like.

I don't think LeRon has ever ate a piece of fruit in his life because he nut taste like st8 beer! He told me he drank everyday, but D**N!

So of course I did my job and layed back cuz it's my turn right?????? WRONG! He was knocked out! He went to sleep on me! So let me check the scoreboard. LeRon 1, me 0! I am pissed so I wake him up and asked him what's up. "I got you in the morning" What? I told him he couldn't spend the night from the first sex conversation! Even if Pooka wasn't here, he didn't do any work outside of jackhammering me to earn a nights rest in my bed! He isn't getting a call back for a second interview!

*The next few entries speak of the 3-5 messages left on my voicemail daily that went unanswered and on May 21st I sent him an email telling him that I was no longer interesting in dealing with him. He hasn't hit me up since*