Thursday, October 18, 2007

Keep your hands to yourself

I don't care how much love someone has for you...
I don't care how much you love someone...
I don't care how good the sex is...
Putting your hands on someone is crossing the line...

Slim Shady just left my office after telling me something she thought wasn't much of anything. A very long story short, she said that this past Saturday her on again off again boyfriend choked and "slapped the shit out of" her!!! She is still with this man!!! WTH? After she told me I put all jokes and smiles aside and asked her if she reported it. She hadn't and started talking this bs, yeah you fought back but you still with this dude. From what I heard, you fight back to get away, then get away!!! You don't physically fight someone then lay next to them in the bed! That's not cute at all! The only person she's told was her male cousin (that I am surprised didn't take dude out) and me. All I could say to her for a good while during her bs spill was "he put his hands on you? He put his hands on you, on you, put his HANDS on YOU. Slim, he put his hands ON YOU"!!! Trying to give the best advice I could I told her that she needed to cut all ties with him ASAP cuz the next time he puts his hands on her it'll be worse and I may be reading about her in the paper. Her response "if you see something about me, you'll see him too". *sigh*

I don't know what to do with this information and I wish I could beat some sense into her. I just don't know. I figured I'll just blog about it to free some space in my head.

I just don't get how blind we get sometimes as humans.....

She isn't an ugly person and she got brains (most of the time), so it's not like she can't get someone else to do whatever she needs done to and for her...

*sigh*

14 comments:

Freaky Deaky said...

Sounds like your friend is stuck on stupid at the moment, literally. I hope you don't think about it too long or too hard and make it your problem. We teach people how to treat us and if she's still laying up under and loving the dude that choked and slapped the shit out of her then she's teaching him that on some level that type of conduct is appropriate.

If beatings worked like that then she would've got the clue when homie went UFC on her. Just because she isn't ugly on the outside doesn't mean she isn't messed up on the inside.

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

Any women who lets a man hit her then doesn't do anything about has low self-esteem in my book. Getting hit isn't cute or funny.

Hopefully she'll realize this and leave him alone b/c he's not worth it.

Mae B. said...

Any women who has been or is in an abusive relationship needs support. You can't imagine what's in her head,but know one thing she trust you. Be there for her because she needs you. The man that she probably loves just choked her. It's sad but not her fault, it's his problem. Give her support in her decisions, help her make a plan to end the relationship. Domestic violence is a terrible disease that effects too many households, help girlfriend there's a reason she told you. By the way your page is beautiful.

Kasandra said...

Yeah I agree with mae. My sis went thru a relationship like that. She always thought that the guy would change and eventually it clicked. You just gotta be there and hopefully it will click before it's too late. My prayers go out to her. Cuz that is one thing I won't except from a man.

AR Gal said...

domestic violence is always a sucky thing, hopefully your friend will wisen up and leave him alone before he does it again.....because he will.

JayBee said...

If she stays it is akin to feeding the dragon. It is not over. I am so against domestic violence that it is not funny. You're doing all that you can pretty much do as a friend. She is fully aware of how you feel. Everyone has a different threshold for tolerability. For some people domestic violence isn't a deal breaker. For some people infidelity isn't a deal breaker. Slim has to decide how much she can stand and apparently she okay with this incident. When it continues (because it will because the dragon is stronger because he feels like he got away with it) she'll have a chance to reevaluate her situation and decide if it is still someting with which she can live. As long as she can live with it, there will be nothing you can do.

Ladynay said...

FD, I've pretty much put it to the side because there isn't really much I can do about it.

Southern, I agree. Hopefully it will happen soon.

Mae, Welcome first and foremost. Come take your shoes off and get comfy.

I agree with what you said. The only thing is, she didn't tell me like a victim wanting help or crying out. The manner in which she spoke about it was like she was telling me how the weather was Saturday. She even smiled and laughed about it as she spoke! Kinda like she saw somebody get bitch slapped on Youtube somewhere and thought it was funny!

Kasandra, you hear stories all the time about people (mostly women) who stay in bad relationships. Deep down she knows what he did wasn't acceptable cuz she won't tell her mom (who's "bout it" and works for lawyers)

Argal, of course he will. Esp. now that he knows there isn't a consequence for doing such foolishness.

JB, I really hate there is nothing I can do, but oh well.

Erica C. said...

She's a good one! My family is like a mini-mafia, one word to big brother and his ass would be on the missing person's list. I don't play that! She sounds so passive about the entire situation.

For me, that's nothing that a pot of hot molten grits couldn't cure, and I don't even eat grits!

GurlNexxDoor said...

Wow, these stories always, always make me so mad. One day I might post why on my blog. Just be there for you friend, she is going to need you.

BossMack said...

Whats Good Babygurl, NO HANDS!!!!

The Goddess said...

I used to be really judgmental and think that women that stayed in those types of situations were stupid until I started working with abused women and started gaining more understanding.

There is NO reason to stay with someone that abuses your physically or mentally. The sad thing is that there is ABSOLUTELY nothing you can say to her that she probably hasn't already heard or said to herself. What's even more sad is that there is NOTHING anyone can DO or SAY to make her leave this idiot until she wakes up and realizes that it IS a problem and WANTS to make a change. I just hope she wakes up before, like you said, you're reading about her in the paper.

I pray that she doesn't have children that witness her getting beat and hemmed up by dude.

TTD said...

i 100% agree w/ you.. put ur hands on me ONCE.. and it's a done deal.. and when i tell my male cousins.. it's not just to get it off my mind, but for them to whip dude's ass!!

next time she tells you bout it (cause im sure there will be a next time) i'd cut her off, and say "i dont agree w/ domestic violence, and if you're not trying to get away from that situation and have the proper charges pressed, save your breath cause i dont want to hear it!"

tina oiticica harris said...

There is a pathology studied by psychologists in which the love making after fights is sooo goood the couple fall into a routine of fights to get great climaxes.

Your best bet is to tell her this behavior is sick and you won't hear about it. Don't pollute your own life, which is busy in itself. Time is a *priceless* commodity.

I needed some time out, and I still have some Internet problems but they'll be sorted out.

Good luck.

Ladynay said...

I agree with all the above.