Today is mommy's first day of the fall semester. This go around we are taking Exercise Physiology and Physics part one. I am sooo not motivated to go to class tonite. The EP class is late in the evening and since my sitter arrangements didn't really pan out, I hope the professor is ight with Pooka coming with me every week. We will see tonight. The class is only one day a week so I can only hope it's not an issue.
There is an open house thing up at Pooka's school on Wednesday. That's when I get a chance to open up Pooka's lunch account. So in a way, most of the daycare money I will save will go to Pooka's school. I also plan on being a active PTA parent. It's the least I can do.
Weekend was boring. I cleaned and retwisted my hair like I posted I would. Yippee! I think the highlights of my weekend was when Pooka covered my eyes during a scene in Rock-a-doodle *cartoon* where the rooster and chicken kissed. Then she told me my music was too loud when I was getting my folding clothes on. I was just too through! LOL At least she knows she don't have no business watching kissing type stuff. Rock-a-doodle is kid friendly, the kiss was the most grown thing in the movie.
I think I gave aunt Diva access to my blog. Through my yahoo messenger one can look at someone's profile, on my profile was a link to my blog. I hadn't updated it since God knows when. While we were IM'ing she said "nice pix". I think she meant my avatar but I am not really sure. I went to check my profile and asked her about the pic of Pooka I had up there and she didn't know what I was talking about....maybe she did, maybe she didn't. Even if she did gain access to this blog I am not going to change it or cater it around her. There are folks that know me personally that read my blog and I don't erase what I type about them whether good or bad if that is what comes to mind and I am not changing. This is how I see things and my daily log of my life the exciting and the boring.
If I know my aunt like I think I do, she'll read some of my archives and then want to talk to me about it. Like the time she read my diary and tried to give me advice on my personal thoughts!!!! I understood what she was trying to do, but if I wanted her advice I would have asked. period dot. I was in elementary school when that happened and it still bothers me that she read my diary. She would have been better off acting like she didn't and kept her new knowledge to herself.
We also had this convo about child support. I know my family means well, but why do they want to see Babydaddy locked up so bad. That's the only thing that's gonna change if I took it out on him right now. It's like my family is pressuring me to get the gov't involved when I don't want to. It's my decision to make. My cousin, during my stint at the family reunion the other weekend, called single mothers who don't take out child support on their childs father "stupid bi***es" being that I was the only single mother in the car I got the message, I just ignored it. Why must folk figure that they always know what's best for me and mine? Can I do this? Even if I am wrong it's my mistake to make...but as of right now, today, at this moment, I think I am doing the right thing. When Babydaddy calls just about everyday to talk to his daugther, that's child support...when he takes whatever means of transportation to get to my moms when we are home, that's child support...when he buys her clothes, that's child support...when he comes down to see her like he will Friday for her b-day weekend *that he has never missed since we broke up*, that's child support...when he puts a few dollars in my hand for her everytime I see him, that's child support. Yes he is a jerk off who did ME wrong and yeah I am struggling and an extra check would be really nice, but right now that's not the route I choose to take. If he is locked up I won't be getting what child support I am already receiving.
Then she gave me her talk to your father spill. I was so blown by finding out he was in NC that I told her and that it was messed up that he didn't even call to tell me. She even mentioned her god child who has a father that isn't active in her life. She had the nerve to state that she understood. IMO if you haven't worn the shoes, than you can never say you understand. My Kines prof once said to me that when I become a PT and I am dealing with my patients to never say "I understand what your going through", cuz unless you have had that injury, you don't. She said to say something along the lines of......I am sorry you've been through this, I can only imagine what your going through. The same applies to me, don't say that you understand what my thoughts are or what should be or what I should do when you haven't been in a situation no where close to mine. My father knows my number and my address. His physical body has been in my place. If he wants me, he knows where to find me. If he can't find me here, he can call my mom, the number to their place hasn't changed in about 30 years, she'll let him know where I am. I have done soooo many things to try to connect with that man that my family has no clue about. I do a lot of things that my family don't know about and I like it that way. My grandmother told me that I should try not to be such a loner, but to me, the farther I can stay in the background of my family(there but not there), the less my business gets talked about and spread.
My younger cousin in the military emailed me this weekend talking about the same thing. Our family likes to dictate who does what and always has something to say when a decision is made that isn't what they would have personally done. My cousin, who's 22, got married and didn't tell no one. Of course the fam is hot with him. I was surprised myself cuz he is a military man that keeps him a few ladies, but like I told him. He is grown and he makes his own decisions. We touched on a lot of things and we didn't know we had some of the same thoughts regarding our family. We love them dearly and wouldn't trade them for anything most of the time but they make you wanna scream! My cousin even stated that sometimes he is happier in a real war zone vs. our family war zone.....to me that is a shame!
6/6 and I'm out! *wink*
25 comments:
Gawd, you start EARLY! This is my last week, then I have almost two weeks off, then I start back up again, lol. I brought Aaron to school once... Yea... I won't go there...
I agree about the blog thing. Someone asked me just this weekend about me putting personal stuff on my blog, but that they enjoyed reading it. It's my blog, I can put what I like on it, and if I have to edit, or NOT post something because I think someone is going to feel uncomfy, then It's not freedom of my expression. Of course if it deals with someone else, like a a link to someone's myspace or pictures of them, I will ask before putting it up, but any information about me, it's me putting it up! Obviously I want someone to know. I may not want comments on my thoughts, and then I just make it so you can't comment :-)
and you comment early! LOL
I had about 2 weeks off 2 and it feels like a month! I so am not feeling the school thing right now, but Imma go.
Right about the blog thing. It's just as far as my family goes, I don't tell them too much about my daily personal life. So if she has access to my blog, my whole family will know that I had sex with 9 dudes last night yah know...I know about 25% of the people who read my blog know me personally but I don't post anything on here that I wouldn't say directly to them so it's all good.
Like you said, these outlets are outlets for expression of whatever kind we choose.
I never ask to link someone's blog. Guess I should huh? I am familar with you taking off your comment section. ;-P
Your thoughts regarding your family are almost identical to mine. When it comes to my extended family I would much rather stay to myself. No person or persons has hurt me more than my extended family.
It's bad when you'd rather write your feelings on a blog for the world to see rather than call up a cousin that you grew up with and tell them what's going on with you. That's how I feel right now. I don't need the drama, the backbiting, the foolishness. Just leave me alone.
If anyone of them were to call saying that they needed me, I'm there but there is such a thing as loving a person from afar.
I could have wrote the last 2 sections of your comment Chelle. The only difference is that not everyone I am referring to are extended fam.
I feel you on the child support issue. I never did it, and I'm glad I didn't. Keep doing what you know is right for your child!
Luv, some people just don't understand that sometimes the gov't doesn't need to get involved.
I did not go after child support because I know my sons fathers situations. I make more than both of them and don't need it. They have chosen not to communicate and that's fine. You can't make a person be a parent and trying to force them will only make it worse. Please believe that those who aren't there for their kids will regret it but the bottom line is that anyone other than the parents of the child should keep their mouth closed concerning support or lack of it.
"anyone other than the parents of the child should keep their mouth closed concerning support or lack of it"
Preach!
wow wow WOW
your fam sounds like mine.
i know you gotta be tired of them getting all up in yours trying to tell you what to do. i agree with you. you gotta do you until it no longer feels right to do it that way, then switch it up. baby daddy's representing in a way that many fathers who send the money DON'T. you can't put a price on time spent and love given. he doing that. they should recognize.
as far as your aunt reading your shit, i'm with you on that too. don't change up for NOBODY. my mom reads mine i'm sure of it, as does my brother and father. i ain't changing a DAMN thing.
Family is crazy Nikki. I knew your mom read your stuff but not the whole fam! Dang girl! LOL
Aww she covered your eyes..she didn't want her momma getting no ideas LOL....that's cute. I love blogging just because I can say what I want and if you don't like it don't come back to read...by commenting you make yourself care LOL....and girl as long as you know he's doing his part in raising your daughter handle it how you want to handle it...listening to other people causes trouble and you know that lol..especially when you know what child support means..it's not necessarily monetary
Little does she know those ideas created her! LOL
You can't tell people anything that know EVERYTHING already Honey....
Even if the government does get involved doesn't actually mean you are going to start getting checks right away my son is about to be 4 have I ever got a check hell no is the government involved yes only because I was receiving assistance from them to pay for daycare so I had no choice but his father is active in his life not mush as I want him to be but he does what he can so I'll be thankful for that.
Sheree, howdy! Thanks for your comment. I hear about that type situation a lot. It's kinda like a win lose battle when your asking for help, you either make to much or you need to try something else first. It can be quite irritating. Back in the day when I received child care help they wanted to know EVERYTHING down to the time you were born! I am being funny but they do want to know all your business!
Nine dudes and my phone didn't ring once? :o( Forget the fact that I'm hundreds of miles away, that's still wrong. LOL
I think my mom may have read part of one post before by accident. Fortunately, it was one of the nicer ones but she knows how I am so not much I write should surprise anyone that really knows me.
I know some people here that are responsible for getting people government assistance. You're right they want to know everything. I've looked at some of the questions they ask and it's invasive. People get upset all the time and wonder why the government needs to know the info. Some of the worker's responses are both funny and mean as hell.
My family knows I'll tell each and every one of them about themselves, sling some mud, and air dirty laundry if they come at me like that.
Girl you know how to handle yours..... and that is all that matters. Child support is not everything. The father being in the child's life is 100% better sometimes. I get the child support for Rome but does he know his father.......... hell no!
You keep on being a strong single mother..... keep ya head up. (Just had to put that in there) I love how everyone just "knows" when they have never been in your shoes before! WTF
See Freaky what had happen was....LOL
Some questions are related, but others make you wonder when you fill those applications out.
I could sling mud, but then I'd be one of them and not a "loner".
TZ, you know how we do.
Everything I do is wrong or what I choose is stupid cuz what I do isn't what they would have done. UGH!
get it girl
TG, I am trying!
Khalli, ummm yeah, we students expect a syllabus breaking stuff down on the very first day! Don't be slackin' on your students! LOL
BTW bust out those A's ms nay :-)
Imma try Ms. New! Physics is one of the only 2 subjects I dropped years ago. Granted I spent half the class IM'ing Babydaddy so it was a given that I didn't understand what was going on. But none the less, laws don't come easy to me as body function.
good luck this semester! i can't belive it's about that time again... it feels kinda strange not being in school, but i still enjoy it.
as for the family issue, it seems as if families are nosy and intrusive by default. this morning i was heated about some family ish (i'm not gonna cuss on your blog! :) that's been going on. i'll probably blog about it.
i don't know a thing about raising kids or child support, but i will say at the end of the day Pooka is gonna remember the time she spent w/ her daddy and not the money he spent on her.
My mom's husband read my journal when I was in the 7th grade and brought it up during dinner. It was a letter to Oprah. I stormed out. Later when he approached me about it, we got in one of the biggest fights we EVER had. Fights between us were common, but this one could have landed him in jail for a minute and all of my siblings in protective custody.
Interestingly enough, the comment that lead to bows being thrown was something he said about my biological not paying child support/being a real dad. I told him where he could go with that. Next thing I know, I'm seeing stars and then I go to boxing.
I didn't start getting child support until I was 17. The biological has to pay the back-ch. sup. and continue to pay until I'm 27. Complements of one of the biggest racist NC has ever known: Jesse Helms. I met him personally and I guess he was trying to make things right.
BTW
I was literally raised on NCCUs campus because my mom was in nursing school there b4 she remarried.
Her professors were cool as hell with me and my lil bro sitting in the back of class. They would bring us treats and anatomy coloring books.
BB - I can't wait till I am done with classes. I guess all families have there mess and your right about the children.
Nay - Girl I don't know what to say bout you and the step dad scrapping like that! Wow, just wow! You told me you grew up on Central Campus, I am soo sorry!! LOL
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