Right now, at this very moment I feel like a failure and I want to cry.
This school thing is frustrating. I can't and honestly don't want to focus on my school work. It makes me mad that things don't click in my head regarding Physics than the guy that sits next to me works things out like it's nothing. He doesn't even pay that much attention to the teacher. Sure I can apply myself harder but I'll read a few pages, not understand what it's saying, then give up. I mean if you don't get A on page 1 or B on page 2, how you gonna see how A and B are related to C on page 3? I hate feeling like this. I know it's not impossible to understand because there are people my age and younger who get this stuff. There are people who have heard the same lectures, have the same book, have access to the same power point material, and bust out A's continuously while I am thanking God for a grade in the 60's which is failing.
We have homework due today and do you think I grabbed enough of the concept to be able to do it? Did I grab enough last week? This will be the second time I did not submit any homework in. This really hurts my inner pride. I hate this not knowing or being able to comprehend shit. I hate not having the inner push to make myself learn this material. I have ZERO excuses. Snookums and Pooka tell me to study, they give me time alone to get shit done, I make an attempt to understand it, then 10 minutes later my towel has been thrown in or I'll get up do do something just to procrastinate even more. I am not stupid, dumb, retarded, or whatever...but it sure feels that way.
Other than that school stuff...
I have no real job prospects. I went from important folks asking me to be on their team to nothing. No potential anything. The only place I know of that actively hiring is being slow with me cuz I was being slow with them. It hurts to consider the fact that I may have to stay here with the state longer to pay bills and try to figure out how I'm going to get credit for this internship thing which is the absolute last "class" I need to handle to graduate.
Everything happens for a reason. I just wish I knew what the reason was for all this.