Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Failure

Right now, at this very moment I feel like a failure and I want to cry.

This school thing is frustrating. I can't and honestly don't want to focus on my school work. It makes me mad that things don't click in my head regarding Physics than the guy that sits next to me works things out like it's nothing. He doesn't even pay that much attention to the teacher. Sure I can apply myself harder but I'll read a few pages, not understand what it's saying, then give up. I mean if you don't get A on page 1 or B on page 2, how you gonna see how A and B are related to C on page 3? I hate feeling like this. I know it's not impossible to understand because there are people my age and younger who get this stuff. There are people who have heard the same lectures, have the same book, have access to the same power point material, and bust out A's continuously while I am thanking God for a grade in the 60's which is failing.

We have homework due today and do you think I grabbed enough of the concept to be able to do it? Did I grab enough last week? This will be the second time I did not submit any homework in. This really hurts my inner pride. I hate this not knowing or being able to comprehend shit. I hate not having the inner push to make myself learn this material. I have ZERO excuses. Snookums and Pooka tell me to study, they give me time alone to get shit done, I make an attempt to understand it, then 10 minutes later my towel has been thrown in or I'll get up do do something just to procrastinate even more. I am not stupid, dumb, retarded, or whatever...but it sure feels that way.

Other than that school stuff...

I have no real job prospects. I went from important folks asking me to be on their team to nothing. No potential anything. The only place I know of that actively hiring is being slow with me cuz I was being slow with them. It hurts to consider the fact that I may have to stay here with the state longer to pay bills and try to figure out how I'm going to get credit for this internship thing which is the absolute last "class" I need to handle to graduate.

Everything happens for a reason. I just wish I knew what the reason was for all this.

16 comments:

Monique said...

*hugs* First things first, get your study on girl. I'm sure because you're throwing in the towel early with stuff, the universe is reversing it back to you. Just bog down, commit to it for 45 minutes a day (I mean, really commit) and everything will workout. I'll be praying for you.

AR Gal said...

(((BIG HUG)))

I was gonna ask if the instructor could help but then I remembered that you said he barely speaks good english. lol What about the guy that sits next to you? Is he available to tutor....or to let you copy off his homework? WHAT?! lol j/k

I'll keep you in my prayers 'cause I know what position your in. I had to take COBOL during undergrad and honaaaay, it wasn't purty. :-)

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

Positive thoughts, positive thoughts!!!!

Try to form a study group. You are too close to throw in the towel.

AR Gal, I took COBOL during the summer and you know summer classes go fast. Lawd I prayed through that class.

LovelyBella73 said...

Another *HUG*

Sis, you are too close to given in. Like everyone else has suggested, just take about an hour to really commit to studying. If you don't get it the first time, just read it until you do. Or maybe change the setting in which you study.

All of your blog family wants you to do well. Stay encouraged, and I'll be sending up prayers for you!!

Ms.Honey said...

HOMIE!! Sending you hugs I haven't stopped by in a while, I'll do better. I was looking at an email you sent me about coming down there in December and I was like I need to go catch up on her blog..so here I is :)

Ladynay said...

Mo, I am trying to hype myself up and just bang these last 10 class period out the box. Trying is the key word! Watch I go home tonight and do everything else but study hard...

Pray me up some focus and comprehension please!

Argal, even if he did speak good english he always claim he don't have time so it's a lost cause. I got my "neighbors" number today and he said he'd do what he could to help me out. It's funny you should mention copying him cuz during the last test I saw some of his answers and chose not to cheat. Looking back I wish I would have cuz the boy got a 90 on it! LOL!

My aunt took COBOL and she didn't hop scotch through it either. She complained many a days (like I am with Physics) about it. :-(

Southern, *sigh* yeah I know positive thoughts *sigh* They do be positive up until I open the book! LOL!

The folks that understand either don't live near me or our schedules conflict but we did try to get a group together on the second day of class.

Bella, YAY more hugs for me! Keep some on reserve cuz I may have to cry before it's all over with.

Change of setting....hmmmmm I can try that.

Thanks chicka!

Ladynay said...

Whaddup Ms.Libra!

You just reading that email? Tisk tisk tisk! LOL

4GOTTEN1 said...

Okay first thing is take a step back and breathe you are going into meltdown mode. Physics is hard but i think you have to go back and approach it a different way. Put yourself in the equation to make it make more sense to you.

Everything comes with time so take a breathe and let it all happen.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

keep the faith and for inspiration, read my latest post "work hard and don’t complain"

Ms.Honey said...

I didnt say I was just reading it..I said I was clearing out my box lol and I re-read it :)

blkbutterfly said...

i agree w/ 4gotten1... it does sound like you're going into meltdown mode. which, is understandable. it's probably a good thing to let the tears come. i don't know about you, but when i do that it seems to help me re-focus.

it sounds like you're on the right track w/ reaching out to all available resources. on a side note, how is the prof. going to say he doesn't have time to help? what?! it's part of his job description to assist students. hmph... i'd been complaining to someone about that.

anyway, i'm rooting for you!

jameil1922 said...

PLEASE go talk to your professor about your struggles. I know you're not the first one to have these issues. I am AWFUL at econ. I don't get it. Math/science/english/history/logic/psych. I excel at it all. Econ? DUMMY!! It was the one and only time I allowed someone to say I was slow at something. I stayed in that professor's face so I could come out with a passing grade. B/c he at least knew I was sincerely trying.

Darius T. Williams said...

Awww...sorry it seems your a bit down. These moments are necessary in life - it helps us appreciate the up times.

kasandra said...

(((MORE HUGS)))

I also agree with BB. You need to be up in your prof face and if he can't help then go to the higher powers. That sounds like some straight garbage to me. But I will be saying a prayer for you my sista.

Ladynay said...

Thanks everyone, your advice has been heard.

MzNewy said...

Ok I coulda sworn I said Happy birday....dagnabbit....I forgot...Happy birday Nay.....