Friday, July 01, 2005

It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes

Oh my word it's hot. I am talking about that wet, sticky, humid, slap a negro for looking at you wrong, fat baby in a plastic diaper type hot! Us "charmin" types don't blend well with heat like this. Temperature wise it has been hotter than today's 97 degree's but it feels just horrible. Thank goodness for air conditioning! Heat just drains the energy slam out of you. I don't know how many people can stand being out in it for more than 15 minutes or so! Grrrrrrrrrr

Today I think I got a ticket. We have one of them red light cameras at a intersection I pass everyday to pick up my young one. Well today I was riding behind a Pepsi big rig and by time the truck got passed the light enough for me to see what color it turned red and I was smack in the middle of the intersection. *insert foul language here*So if my thoughts are right. There will be a nice blog on the ticket I received in the mail in a few months. Months...yep months, they take that long to get. Well at least that is what I heard from an associate that got one in the mail. Grrrrrrrrrr next subject!

Have you ever felt like someone put a spell on you....voodoo....roots....whatever? I do, sorta....In the recent past while trying to fill a void in my life, I chose dyck. I just kinda ran through some people in meaningless attempts to avoid bordem and fill the emptiness in my life with something I thought that I would enjoy. Well anyways, in this phase of my life I met T-lo. Just like the rest of my associates he wasn't supposed to be anything. But I messed up and caught a feeling for this guy. It was/is still is in it's primal stage but still, once I realized that I had caught a feeling I went on panic mode. I am not in a position in my life where I need to feel for a man in that type manner (another blog in itself) so I did everything in my ability to turn the feeling off.

Fortunately for me, not for him, a bunch of personal issues drew to him back to back to back and T-lo is the type of guy where when things go wrong, he stays to himself till he works it out. After the storms past he comes back out to play so to speak. So there was my out. I really wanted to be there and help him solve his issues. At least be part of the support system he needed, but his issues would give me time to get him back on the just another brother list. A couple of months go by and things are okay. I met and dealt with other people and the T-lo feeling was gone, or at least that is what the thought was.

The other day while browsing craigslist looking for various things. I saw a posting that sorta kinda favored T-lo. I had made a previous contract with myself that I would not contact or deal with T-lo anymore. It makes it that much easier for him to become just a great memory of mine. But I broke it, I had to know if it was him offering his "time" for money to fix his car. So I emailed him and asked him about it. This started an email conversation that I should have cut at the beginning when he responded. But it's something about this brother! (the ad was not his by the way) During the internet conversation he cut himself off mid sentence... "I wish I nevermind". In any type of conversation this buggs me. So I jokingly reply..."What, you wished you never f*#ked me? Well, it's too late for that! LOL" the reply I got back talked of how I put words in his mouth and how he actually misses things that used to go on between us. I know this is my blog but no need to get into detail. My knee jerk reaction was to send out an invitation for the near future. WHY OH WHY did I do that! After I hit send, I wanted to take the email back so badly but there was no turning back then. I spent the next couple of hours thinking about the last time we hooked up sexually, working myself up, and rereading his email over and over. Every time I see his name in my inbox, my skin tingles in a good way which is bad.....when we speak on the phone if I have on panties, they need to be changed which is worse....and when we hang out in person, SOMEONE HOSE THAT GIRL DOWN!!!! LOL, I laugh but this is what I don't want. Not right now.

How can someone affect someone else like this when for the last couple of months they did not exist? I swear he must have buried a pair of my panties in his backyard and did a chant. This is frickin ridiculous!!!!!!! It's getting hot in here, and it's not just the sun shining through the slits in my blinds either! Grrrrrrrrrrr

No comments: