I could use a really use a big teddy bear type dude to hold me and let me cry for a good 5 minutes. But that won't be happening no time soon. I called Lookalike and he's up and went full time at his second job (great for him, bad for me). So I am just SOL :-(
For awhile now I have been in this blah mode and I try to make myself come up out of it but I keep falling back in. I don't know what it is.
Yesterday evening was horrible. I went to my friends house afterwork to see if she could do my hair sometime before my trip. She doesn't have a phone so I had no other choice but to drive over there. When I get there this dude Chitown answers the door. Chitown is a crackhead, on the real, I am not being funny. While I am asking him where my girl is 2 other heads (that's what they appeared to be) walks up in the house and then he tells me she is out with her peeps. I just told him to tell her I dropped by and I would be back Wednesday to get my hair done.
Number one I am mad that I wasted gas going up there.
Number two I am mad I left a message with a crackhead and really thought he would send the message (duh)
Number three I am mad because this same friend who does my hair is supposed to be one of the peeps to watch Pooka for me while I am in class. Now that is shot to hell cuz there is NO WAY IN HELL I will leave her there knowing what type of people run through there now a days. Granted, Pooka has seen Chitown before. But it's never been for long and I was always there. So now I have to pay out some more money to my highschool girl for adding more days. Darnit!
I have this wonderful ability to beat myself up, talk down to myself, and take one negative thing and run with it till I feel like crap. So while on the way home my thoughts patterns get more and more negative and lead me st8 to a real binge. I haven't really binged in a long time and after it was over I felt even worse and just cried myself to sleep. Just thinking about it now is making my eyes water. I let myself down when I was doing so well.
Where is a teddy bear when you need one?