This morning started like any other Sunday morning. I woke up cooked breakfast, checked email, blogged, and started downloading cartoons for Pooka. Nobody ever calls me early on Sunday. My downloading completes a few hours later (dialup) and before I shut the laptop down I checked my email again. I get a email text message from Aunt Diva in all caps telling me to call her ASAP!!!!!! I shut down the computer and pick up the phone, the phone gives me the signal that tells me I have messages.....10 messages!
My grandfather/father died.
When I heard the first message from my mom telling me that somethings up with granddaddy and they were on the way to Washington Adventist I knew what the next 9 messages were about...I still haven't listened to them. I just hung up and called the house. Aunt Diva picked up and confirmed what I knew. Early this morning my grandfather began to choke. My mom and grandma went to his room, sat him up and tried to help him catch his breath. My grandma performed CPR, he wasn't responding. 911 was called, the emergency crew came in and worked on him and got a faint pulse. They got him out the house and had to work on him again before putting him in the ambulance. When they got to the hospital he was gone. He had a heart attack and fluid in his lungs.
I don't know how I feel. The family has known this day was coming soon, but your never really ready when it happens. I feel like I have mourned him already which is why I can't cry. The man I seen my last few visits home was a shell of a man that I used to know. The man who raised me died a few years ago. I want to be sad because that is how I am supposed to feel. But I am happy for my grandmother and mother. Ever since he has giving up on life he has been taking my mom and grandma with him. My grandmother isn't a spring chicken herself so a few of the fam thought with dealing with him my grandmother just may go first due to stress alone! I am happy because he isn't suffering anymore. Once it sunk into my grandfather that he wasn't the man of the house no more, he sunk into a depression and wanted everyone to be depressed with him.
I feel bad for not feeling bad. Babydaddy told me that I shouldn't feel guilty for not immediately going through the motions. I called him because he is the only person out of my friends who has met my grandfather and interacted with him. When Babydaddy wanted to marry me he had to go through my granddad and my granddad started messing with his mind but he didn't know! It was too funny! Who is my next suiter going to have to ask now? My best friend knew him but her phone is off.
The funeral is forecasted to be in NC this Friday or Saturday. I am not going to drive up because my mom and them are coming down Wednesday.
Your just never ready nor know what to say for stuff like this...even when you know it's so close to happening your kinda waiting on it. Everytime my mom or someone calls me at some strange hour I think for a second "is this the call?"? The call finally comes and I am downloading cartoons...