Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Hollywood and Puerto Rico

No, I am not going on vacation, though I wish I was. If I was, I wouldn't go back to Hollywood anyways cuz it's dirty, but anyways...

Yesterday I got an invite to my cousin Hollywood's wedding celebration. She got married on 10/26 in Jamaica to a guy she hasn't been dating a year yet. If you've been following my log of sorts, cousin Hollywood is the one that was on and off with her husband for many years. One day her now exhusband goes out and makes a baby with someone else, which ended up dying very shortly after being born. This hurt Hollywood so she took a get my head together vacation to MD for a minute, came back home, then all of a sudden she is getting married to some dude nobody has ever heard of. She's grown and she makes her own choices, but many people in the fam didn't think this was a good idea. But like I said, it wasn't the fam's choice. Hollywood said pretty much said that she is not the type of woman that can be alone and I respect that. Being single can indeed suck sometimes....being a single parent can suck sometimes, then add the fact that her 2 boys are teenagers and yeah I can understand why you wouldn't want to go at life alone. I only have 1 child and I don't want to go at it alone.

I just wish she took the time to heal from her first marriage before going at it again. Yes, time is of the essence and you have to live your life for today because tomorrow is not promised and all that good stuff, but come on! How much real love can you fall in that fast? I am not talking about infactuation, lust, extreme like or basically that feeling you can get within the first conversations that this could be someone worth putting some time into. Not that, but real love.

Just to put it out there, I do know that some people fall in love and love people very quickly, I also know that there is no time frame on when dating people should get engaged. But Hollywood dated this dude for less than a month and didn't really make the choice to marry this dude until her ex made a baby that wasn't with her. Also this doesn't mean that I don't wish her new marriage luck and all that jazz, but I am curious to see how long they are gonna stay faithfully married.

Puerto Rico is my homegirl who I don't get to see very often. She works nearby my place so I run into her from time to time at her job, just like I did this weekend. PR has been married for something teen years (less than 20, more than 10) to a butthole. She knows he's a butthole, her fam and friends knows he's a butthole. They have 2 small children together. They have a very cyclic relationship that is seriously stressing her out. I mean to the point she is always having some medical issue. At first she was in the hospital all the time because she was involved in a really bad accident that messed her up so she's been having surgery after surgery to get right. Now that she is right she is in the hospital all the time from stress...stemming from him. Let me repeat, she KNOWS her husband ain't ish, but he's got some kind of hold on her! He was her first everything so maybe he is her comfort zone *shrug* but PR is a pretty woman and dudes be trying to get at her ALL THE TIME, so I don't really understand why she don't take advantage of her opportunities. HE DOES! A few years back while hubby was off playing boyfriend to some chick, PR met this niiiiiiiiiiice man who was so good for her. He wined and dined her and basically reminded her that she was a woman. You could see it in her face that she was happy. We all just knew that he was gonna be the one to make her realize that her hubby didn't have to be her only frame of reference. But she pushed him away, he kept trying but he eventually got tired of being pushed away and stopped trying. Even tho' I am not pro affair, PR really needs to get out of her marriage for her health. But hubby got this hold on her!

My honest opinion is that hubby keeps her close enough to be in good standing with her when her accident settlement comes through (those things take years, did you know that?). But anyways, I saw her this weekend and she vented about the same ole stuff about how hubby ain't doing this that and the other. Right now they don't live together but she dropped the bomb on me....

"Nay I am so frustrated, when he comes back there are gonna be rules. He has to be home at dinner and has to get the kids ready for school so I can get to work on time," and a few other rules that basically add up to if I let you stay here you gonna have to help with the kids, I don't care if you don't sleep here at night or give a crap about what you do while the kids are at schoool, but you gonna help me with these kids.

I was floored! I asked her if she is gonna to really let him move back in! Since I have known her she has moved at least 4 times to get away from him and every time she moves she eventually lets him move back in in the name of the kids! I wanted to ask her if he didn't do right by the kids the first several times you dished out rules for him to follow, why would he start now? Why does he have to live in your place to take care of his kids? Why? But she is a grown woman who makes her own decisions, but just like with Hollywood, I just wish she didn't make that one....

I may add on to this post cuz there is plenty that I left out, but I must start my day. I was just thinking last night about how we choose to bring bad situations upon ourselves and promote our own stress....



Newy said...

PR sounds like she has self-esteem issues. Almost like she feels she doesn't deserve better. Remind her that he can be 'daddy' without being 'hubby'.

Ladynay said...

Mannnnnnnnnnnnnn she knows that cuz every now and again he'd play "daddy" to his "friends" kids!

This cycle has been going on for years, she gets fed up cuz he is not doing his job in any aspect of the marriage except laying down the pipe and bringing home things to her that ain't nowhere near bacon! She kicks him out, he breaks something like a window or door, police may or may not get involved, she moves, he finds her, she yells divorce, he does whatever he does to make it better, she figures he's gonna help (this time) raise and support the fam, he moves back in...repeat cycle.

She knows she can have better, the guy I referenced in my blog showed her what she could have, but she pushed him away....

Her husband doesn't want to be a daddy or hubby IMO.

Only Puerto Rico can say when enough is enough and stop the madness!

It just broke my heart when she told me she was going to let him back in. She says she is desparate for support but she isn't gonna get it from him...

Her plan is to go out the state for some "me time" when he moves in and leave him with the kids. All he is gonna do is drop the kids at his folks house and go do what he's been doing!

I can post twice a day for the rest of the month about this guy. He makes my blood boil. But he's not my husband. I just worry about my girls health. Stress will take you out and when I say he's killing her...in a way he really is!


LUVIN ME said...

A lot of times we are our own worst enemy when it comes to matters of the heart.

Honey-Libra said...

Hollywood sounds like she should be in a movie LOL...nah just jokin...but for real hopefully it works out is she living in Jamaica cause he might have married her to get a green card..sad but true.

PR needs to realize that letting him back in isn't really helping the children. All they see is that he can treat her anyway he wants and still be allowed to come back and bring whatever drama he has created away from her back into their home.

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

**shaking head**

Ladynay said...

Luvin, you ain't neva lied!

Honey, my cousin needs to because she is always putting on a show! Her new husband isn't Jamaican, they just got married there.

Everyone has tried to reason with Puerto Rico for many years. The the light has to come on and STAY ON when she is ready, we can not force her to see how she is hurting herself and the kids by repeating the cycle over and over.

Southern, exactly! That's as much as we (her fam and friends) can do at this point. We've tried darn near everything we can think of. Sad to say, but I intentionally keep some distance away from her household outside the fact she doesn't reach out to me much. She is what I consider a friend, not associate, but I don't want to get drawn in the situation, say my piece or help her out the situation only for her to go back to it! :-(

Freaky Deaky said...

Ladynay, the city of Hollywood is on line 1 for you. She doesn't sound very happy either.

Sometimes people get to the point where a body, any body is good enough if it takes away the sadness, hurt, and loneliness. Some shortcuts are better than others I guess. We all have our issues. Hopefully, Hollywood can make her marriage a go and work on her issues without hurting herself or anyone else too much.

Same for Puerto Rico. Hopefully she has some positive and strong male role models in her children's life because it doesn't appear that she considered those qualities in her man.

Just shake your head and try not to think about it too much. It'll give you a headache or something.

deepnthought said...

WOW. I am really at a loss for words.
I agree with luvin.

Ladynay said...

Freaky, tell the city to kiss my butt cuz the truth is the truth! LOL

I agree w/you about Hollywood. We'll just have to see how it all pans out.

PR's father lives here and seems to be a good man to look up to and PR has a brother (a FINE brother) up in NY that comes to visit every once in awhile that seems to be a good candidate as well.

DNT, I completely understand your loss for words.