Thanks to the lovely depo shot, I can't blame it on PMS. I can't put it on anybody or anything either. I am hormonal. At least I was yesterday. My moods changed so quickly it shocked even me. The most dramatic swing was when I got home and was reading an MSN article about how simple embarrassment is starting to be one of the main reasons people who really need to be in the gym, like me, don't go....I started crying! I am talking about balling! WTH? Did the article trigger some more hidden emotions in my subconscious? I don't get it!
My van is still at the mechanics. Trying to get out there has been more complicated then I ever wanted it to be. Some of it's my fault. Trying to schedule a good time between my mechanic and my friends is kinda difficult. Everyone has family and a life after work to deal with and nobody is available at the same time :-( LadyKat was ready to take me this weekend, but when I called to ask her I heard her boo in the background and it reminded me of the convo we had earlier where she told me her plans with her boo. So I told her that I'd get back with her if plan A didn't work out. Plan A didn't work out but I intentionally didn't call her back to help me. I am not a blocker at least not knowingly! LOL
Other than that things are starting not to go my way again, but I am not sad about it right now. Hopefully it won't get any worse. There isn't any physical being right now to allow me to sound off even tho' I always try to be available for everyone else, but that's life.....Let me take that back, I do have a few folks I can call, but they have issues a lot more serious than mine so why vent to them about my insignificant stuff? That or they are too busy so who am I to stop their flow for what would seem like nothing to them? One day I am going to stop trying to be the cheerleader, the hearing and listening ear, the mental support system for every daggone body. Maybe that's the problem, I am always wanting, willing, and around to help since I have no sort of life. Most would think being there for folks is a good thing, but not all the time.
Whatever....
14 comments:
you know, you remind me alot of my mom. she's the same way in that she's the one everybody else leans on. luckily, she's got two friends she can lean on, but i see the strain that comes from always being the one everybody goes to.
don't let that ish happen. you're right...your personality is too multi-faceted for your friendships to be one dimensional. you deserve support too.
I wouldn't say my friendships are one dimensional. It just feels that way because I make it that way. Does that make sense? It's kinda like I know they are there, but why call someone like Party Girl and vent when her mom just died recently and she is in the process or reorganzing her life? Or LadyKat who just got laid off cuz her job is in Brazil now. IMO, them and my other friends have more important things to spend there mental energy on in my opinion, so why bother them with nothing as extreme?
Can I say IMO just one more time?
whether you're venting about something large or small, you still deserve someone to lean on. while you may not have the issues that PG and PR are having, you're still going through some things and need some support.
you asked why call them. well, because they are your friends. and as cheesy as it may sound, that's what friends are for. if you wait until a person's life is drama free to vent to them, well, you may be waiting an eternity...
Lady- I agree with Nikki, you deserve support as well and that's what friendships are suppose to be about. If you are the one who needs the shoulder - believe you me regardless to what a person already has on their shoulder, there whould always be room for a friend. Especially when your needs are few and far between and there's a bit more constant.
BB, I don't have a response cuz your right. There is always going to be something going on with folks. I should have blogged that what started this train of thought was I did reach out to a friend and I was rushed through it and I felt like they didn't hear me.
Now the normal response would be that they are not a real friend cuz real friends don't do that...but they are, they were just apparently occupied with things more important and I must have caught them at a bad time.
Pam, I hear you and your right along with everyone else. Guess it is me starting to be considerate of others issues.
********
It's funny. As I reread my post and comments part of me says just to keep calling folks till someone actually listens even if it's about how I hate batting my eyelashes *not my issues* and to stop assuming what folks will do, part of me wants to blog about it, but even as nonchalant I am about
blogging about stuff, I am not ready to place these thoughts on the world wide web just yet.
I don't know. My thoughts are kinda every which-a-way right now.
It could be the air, and not just hormones. I say that because, I was trying to order a top online and it didnt come in my size and I had big crocodile tears. For me, it has always been easy to gey clothes even when I was much bigger, just because I come from a long line of shoppers. But anyway, I think it triggered just how much more I have to go to each my goal, even though I have come a long way.
I can relate to the other part, because I am the one that everyone comes too and leans on, and sometimes I dont feel like I can vent either. So, I kinda took what BB said and ran with it. I have a few people I can talk too. But I still battle with it.
DNT, it may be the air cuz after I cried I had to ask myself what that was all about!
Sorry that you understand the second part :-( Wish you didn't.
i agree w/ bb.. it doesn't matter how big or small ur problems are.. you deserve someone to vent to..
you can vent to us if you like :-) you know ur blog fam is here for you!
TTD, I know I can, but I am not ready for stuff to be on the web right now. Knowing me, I will in the near future because I hate when folks mention something and don't finish it...I just don't want to, not right now.
I mainly was/am feeling kinda insignificant in the grand scheme of things and the mood waves don't help.
It will get better!!!...you know why?...cause Ant luvs ya!
during that hormonal stage whatever seems to be the answer to everything
(((Ladynay))) Sounds you needed a hug. I didn't even try to grope you either. Aren't you proud of me? (((Ladynay))) Okay that time I did grope you but it's still the hug that counts, right? :o)
I know how you feel. It kind of sucks sometimes caring for and about people and being there for them but when you want to vent or clear your mind they're either busy or you don't want to be a burden to them. Kind of like being in a room full of people and still feeling insignificant and alone.
ANNALEE! What you doing on blogger and who is that chick on your blogger blog? I don't know how I feel about that...ROFL
But 4real, it will get better in due time...it always does.
Honey, it works tho'! Gotta use what works.
FD, your so silly. Yeah I needed a hug and prolly need another later:-)
and EXACTLY!
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