Wednesday, December 06, 2006


This evening I got a tad down. A daily radio show host had a show about fat people. Even though it wasn't his intent, the underlying message I got is that if I stay the weight I am I will die. Now to an extent it's true. As a morbidly obese person I am more likely to get stuff that will take me out. I understand that. But the thing that got to me was that the host kept saying stuff like, lets stop talking about losing weight and lose weight. This is coming from a someone who's probably never been a heavyweight and that bothers me. That's like me telling an alcoholic to just stop drinking when I have never been drunk. Then I got to thinking about how when I applied for life insurance with my job I got denied even though all my health levels were terrific. The nurse took my blood and urine and mailed me a 5 page list of all my results. I was denied because of my age and weight the company didn't expect me to live 20 years. Thanks! I guess I am fortunate to still be alive this long.

So my self esteem took a little hit. I am doing what I can to get where I should be and that's all I can do. After work I hit the grocery store to buy some more greenery for my salad bowl. Fortunately some of it was still on sale. Today my favorite fruit cups were on sale. I would have brought 'em all but I only had but so much money! :-( I picked up some other sale items I needed and 2 items I didn't need because I am having company tomorrow! Guess who of all people? Babydaddy! Surprised? Yeah me too.

Tomorrow evening Pooka is performing in a Christmas thing at school. I mentioned it to BD in conversation awhile ago and he said then that he was coming. I didn't think he meant it!!! He calls me up at work asking if he could crash on my couch. Being this came out the blue I was confused then he told me he was coming to see Pooka at school. Now on one hand I am sad because I don't feel like having any company, but I am glad and fortunate that he is doing his fatherly job. I can blog everyday for a long time about negatives on this dude, but I can never honestly say that he's not doing what he can for Pooka. I haven't told Pooka he's coming. The plan is to pick her up from daycare and he's gonna be outside the door when she comes out the building. She is gonna flip, I can't wait! She's gonna be pleasantly surprised and I love it! What I love more is I can take a couple of hours off to myself. He is supposed to take her to dinner after the program so I get to come home and chill. Then he gets to wake her up in the morning and get her started while I stay in the bed a bit longer. YAY!

How do I feel about him being here? Not bad. He's leaving after we drop Pooka off at daycare Friday morning so he won't be here long enough to get on my nerves. After our last attempt at sex I know I don't have to worry about any of that. The focus will be on Pooka and when she is sleep, if I know him like I think, he'll be writing on his laptop most the night while I'm sleep and his cell will be blowing up with his "friends" so he'll be occupied. Great. I picked up one of his favorite snacks and cartons of juice. Yes I didn't need to but...they were on sale! LOL I tend to do this for everyone I know is coming by my place, not just him. Example, if TTD was to tell me she was coming this way for a weekend and I saw some skiddles I'd pick them up...and bottle on henny if I had the money. LOL! I don't usually buy that stuff, but it wouldn't go to waste if she decided not to come.

Hmmm what else? School is almost over! Well this semester anyways. I have my EP final on Monday and my Physics final on Thursday. Tomorrow is a study session for the physics final. It's not mandatory to show, but I am going. Maybe my persistence in the mist of not so hot work will curve his heart for me. Many people have told me that he gives you what you earn and he don't give breaks, but I got to try. I am not going to let the people in my class (the few of us left) who have taken his class once or twice before discourage me. Grades have to be posted up by noon on the 18th so for my blog entry on the 19th I am either going to be screaming or crying! LOL Either way I already know that I am not taking Physics II till the summer. I have to take Intro to PE and it's at the same time as Physics.

My advisor asked me how did I take (and pass) all these higher level Phys Ed courses and not have taken Intro which is a freshman year prerequisite. I told her I didn't know, but the truth is every time she put me down for it I went online and changed it. It conflicts with something important at my job. It still does but I am gonna have to pray and sweet talk my higher ups into letting me slide on this procedure for 3 months. *sigh* This course has been on the same days and at the time since I started NCCU and my advisor said it won't change so I am going to have to take it eventually. I chose it over Physics cuz Physics is offered over the summer and Intro to PE isn't. Blah blah blah blah

If you have a prayer list add my girl Party Girl to it. I got a chance to break bread with her and even tho' her head is high she is stressed you can see it in her eyes. What was supposed to be a quick 1/2 hour lunch bite turned into a 2 hour vent session. I wish I could have stayed and let her get all of it out but we both had things we had to get back to. :-(

Well it's time to go dance off my yogurt and pretend Imma skinny girl.


deepnthought said...

I got a little discouraged lastnight as well. But you know what Ladynay?
We can and will do this. If for nothing just continue to get healthier. Dont let those little ole skinny things get you down.
I know your finals will all go well.
I hope pooka has an awesome night in her play and with her dad. I hope today is an awesome day for you.

Ladynay said...

The host meant well, he really did, but the show bothered me and put me on a negative train of thought.

My finals must go well, thanks for the positive thinking.

I hope Pooka actually participates in the program. She is infamous for just standing there while her friends do their thing. She told me her class is singing songs. Will see what happens.

Thanks, I hope your day is awesome as well!

Pamalicious said...

You know one of the most prolific days of my life was my diagnosis of Diabetes because all of a sudden I knew I was going to die. I also knew somewhat what I was going to die...from. THAT's one hell of a scary feeling.

This weight thing has a stronghold on soo many of us and as we all know - no amount of projection from others can make it go away.

I'm sometimes angry and sometimes ashamed that at 5'2 I weight BLAH BLAH BLAH - and I can write all kinds of witty self analysis about it - but the fact remains, I probably would have the diabetes if I would lose like 60 pounds - but I'm so happy and I'm so vibrant 80% of the time as WHO I AM! So I struggle with that.

Not going to say anything corny or give any great metaphors because then it will sound just as 'usual' as the radio show personality.

Just that if you line up 20 women in this country 15 of them will be QUOTE/UNQUOTE overweight and not feeling good about themselves - the funny thing is those skinny bitches ain't feeling so hot either, lol lol

Ladynay said...

5'2" oh youz a shorty bebop! LOL Just picking.

I agree this whole thing is a struggle and your last statement is so true! How about I have a coworker whom I reference as Slim Shady, she's not big as a minute and she is not all that happy and wants to be bigger. But nobody is telling her she is going to die because she may not be eating enough...

Pamalicious said...

Short and Squatty Don't Hurt Nobody!



Now that you know how short I am - my big mouth on my own space takes on a whole new meaning doesn't it. Knowing damn well I can get my ass beat on the daily all that yakking I do, lol lol

Ladynay said...

It does explain alot, it'a always the smallest person in the group starting the most trouble! ROFL

Honey-Libra said...

Girl don't be discouraged...we all get that way...all you can do is do what you can..I wasn't created to be skinny and I'm coming to grips with that however I can be thick and healthy (plus i like my butt lol)

I'm soo happy he's coming to see Pooka...good that he's doing what he needs to do in that department makes life a lil easier to live...and as always email me if you need to chat :)

You'll do well during finals time...I'm sure of it and when I come down that way again we gonna have to break some bread together..or pop some bottles which ever comes first LOL

Ladynay said...

Yeah your "starting lineup" likes your butt too! hahahahahahha

I'll be round your way b4 you'll be round mine. *wink*

Check your email.

Freaky Deaky said...

I hope Pooka sings for her daddy.

You'll do okay on the finals and pass the class.

[Lurks in the shadows and watches you dance.]

Ladynay said...

I do too. Then again she might be even more nervous knowing that he's in the audience. Who knows.

I like that attitude, among other things.....

You don't have to lurk in the shadows luv, you can have a front row seat in an armless chair...*cheese*

That Dude Right There said...

Sista Girl, tell the radio host to go to hell. We all have health problems no matter what our weight. I for one have high blood pressure and hypoglycemia and I am 6'2" and 180lbs.

Just live your life the best that you can and tell all the haters to walk of the top of a building.

Ladynay said...


...go walk off a building...tee heee I wanted to call in and say more but he was only taking calls from big people who didn't like themselves or people who had the surgery so they could inspire heavyweights to get on the ball....whatever!

Freaky Deaky said...

Someone is passing out the freaky juice again and didn't tell me. [Changes into slacks, takes a glass of freaky juice, and sits in the armless chair.] LOL!

The thought that she might be more nervous crossed my mind. Who knows maybe knowing her dad is out there will give her that extra push to bring out the diva and sang (yeah, I said sang).

You trying to make me blush or something?

Ladynay said...

I don't share freaky juice, maybe other juices, but not my freaky juice! LOL

My child can't SANG if she wanted! ROFL

Of course I am, did it work?

blkbutterfly said...

i don't even know what to say about the weight loss issue. so, i won't even touch it.

that's kinda cute and funny that Pooka doesn't really participate in school programs. she's a diva, don't you know? she don't have time for singing songs and whatnot! LOL!

Ladynay said...

BB, your funny! She does dive traits (not from me). I guess your right.

She has to sing so I can stand up and say "dat's my bay bay!" haha

Freaky Deaky said...

You're hoarding the freaky juice like OPEC does oil. That's why the prices are so high.

LOL @ at sharing other juices. You are soooooooooo bad. [Must not think about her comment. LALALALALALA.]

Maybe it did work. ;o)

Ladynay said...

BB, she does have...I swear my typing skills suck sometimes! SHE DOES HAVE! LOL

Freaky, Actually I'm quite what...*shrug* who knows *humming*

Well I hope it did *wink*

meljoy said...

wow, i agree, you can't tell someone about anything if you haven't been there yourself...