Saturday, December 06, 2014

Starting to slow down... workload. At the moment, I have 5 employers. I work somewhere everyday. But not today! WOOT WOOT! Today I slept in (to 7am) and plan on decorating my tree, taking Pooka to practice for her play tonite, and going to the TaeKwonDo's Holiday party! Looking forward to it!

But anywho, I am starting to slow down all this work stuff because I want to incorporating even more face time with friends and family. Earlier this week I had a tension headache so bad on the R side of my face that I was sensitive to light and was disoriented for about 10 seconds. It was kinda scary but after I got home and got a good nights rest, I felt better.

Often, I think no one calls me up like "let's go to the park/eat/wherever" because they think I am busy or something. I usually am, but it still kinda sucks. I not talking just about romantic dating type stuff. I am talking about in general.

I have also set myself up to be a constant giver. I love to give. I love the feeling I receive when I give and do for others. However, I think most of the people in my life circles automatically expect me to give to them because I do it all the time! As bad as it sounds...I have to stop that. I don't want my friends and family to just EXPECT me to do for them. Pooka is the exception. I am expected to provide her with her needs and some of her wants.

Small example. I hate washing dishes and cleaning in general. I have a dishwasher but it never cleans the dishes to my liking. My family doesn't care for cleaning in general either. It is ALWAYS me that ends up doing all the cleaning and it's not fair. My mother and Pooka expect me to wash the dishes because I always do! Last month, just to see what would happen, I let the dishes pile up for a week! I used my same bowl and silverware over and over that week. My family piled the sink up high! Think my mother who is home all day everyday washed them? Nope! Then after I put the kitchen back together, a comment was made about how they were wondering why I hadn't did it earlier. Yeaaaaaaaah really? I am just expected to wash the dirty dishes that I didn't even contribute towards? Yeah okay.

In general, I just want people to treat me like I treat them. I am at a point where I am tired of being the giver/provider/arranger/organizer/payer/caregiver/maid/taxi/everything to everyone, and want people to do for me...because they want to...not because I told them too.

This is all over the place but I needed to get this out of my head.

Gotta take the kid to practice! TTYL

Oh, and I weighed in yesterday at 392.6 (44 pounds from my highest weight ever). It's about 2 pounds lighter than what I was when I last blogged (I think). Considering I had a wonderful (and filling) Thanksgiving and the holiday parties that are popping up I think that's wonderful! My holiday goal is to not go over 395. I am allowing myself to enjoy all this wonder food around me, within reason, and I will NOT beat myself up over having an extra gingerbread person! Nope!

Okay really gotta go now! Peace!


Just got back from dropping Pooka off at practice and got another example...I asked my mom if she would drop Pooka off at practice for me (so I can be lazy and stay in my room). She is not comfy driving in the rain...okay we walk out, mom wants to ride with AND make a stop!!! This irritated me. I gave the option for you to be out and about doing your own thing at your own pace and you rather me chauffeur you around on an almost rare day I don't have to work anywhere! *sigh*

Anywho, this was supposed to be me journalling about me telling my PRN jobs "No" more often and cutting down the hours I do work my side hustles because it is physically affecting me...but it went somewhere else.

I can't wait for my vacation in 2 weeks! Soooo needed!


blkbutterfly said...

I recently read a post about stopping the hustle ( and slowing down and it resonated with me so much. While I'm not working 5 jobs and raising a child, I have been doing too much. The past week or so, when possible, I've been slowing myself down, resting when I need it, and not feeling bad about it at all.

I think it's hard for Black women to do this because we're just expected to hold it down, no matter what. The reality is if we don't take care of ourselves, we won't have anything left to give. I also think it's important to vocalize what we need or want. For example, maybe you can have a sit down with your mom and say, you know, I'm feeling stretched really thin right now, it'd be great if you could do ____. Yes, you shouldn't have to tell her that, but you know, sometimes you just have to tell people how you need and want to be treated. JE and I have had these conversations as well. He sees that I'm able to function without him, but I had to tell him, look, I don't want to have to do so much. I really need for your assistance on x, y, and z. It's not perfect, but we're finally getting a balance.

Sorry, didn't mean to blog, but I just felt compelled to say that to you. I hope you have a great break, lady. You deserve it!

Ladynay said...

YES!!!! I hate this societal expectation we have with a passion!

I am soo glad you are finding balance. I am as well, slowly, but surely!